A really, really good way to start the day

When I’m in Oecusse, this is how I start my day:

I sit on my verandah with my computer and my coffee. I work, listening to the waves and the kids singing on their way to school, watching the birds and the ocean. I work here until my computer runs out of batteries and I have to go inside and plug it in. After that I sit at a desk where I can’t hear the waves over the whirr of the generator. I’m grateful for the electricity (many don’t have it during the day), but I know at this point that my morning has come to an end. By the time my computer’s charged up again, it’s too hot to sit outside. Everything is different.

Frog in the bed

Yes. A frog. In the bed.

It was a day of culinary ups and downs...

It was my first trip to a mountain village. After a long and winding drive up a mountain, we arrived to find the smiling village chief and a couple of others waiting for us, bearing gifts...

1. Green coconut water followed by jelly-like coconut flesh.

Upon arrival, we were presented with a green coconut, complete with hole cut out for drinking. There is a slight fizz to coconut water, and it was very thirst-quenching. It also cools you down when you spill the liquid down your chin and onto your t-shirt. Upon completion of the liquid, we handed our coconuts back to the men bearing machetes, to be prepared for the next stage – a few swift motions with the knife and we had two coconut halves and a little spoon, made from husk, to scoop out the soft flesh. Wade had been side-tracked, looking at some bamboo nearby, so the men just kept feeding me the coconut halves. I was getting full, but I liked it.

2. Pig in broth with eyes

For lunch, we went to the village chief’s house; a lovely spot on the side of the mountain with a gorgeous breeze and shady trees. On the table a big bowl of rice accompanied another bowl , the contents of which reminded me of the “gravy beef” dish that my mum makes, although it wasn’t so much “gravy” as “meaty water”. There were small pieces of flesh floating around, and I’m relatively certain one of them was an eye. I piled my plate high with rice and slopped on some water and a couple of little bits of meat. As I ate, I discovered that one of the pieces was pure, congealed fat, and the other was meat, with skin and hair still attached. It was a bit like eating a piece of cheek with a five o’clock shadow... I would IMAGINE. I couldn’t really know for sure.

3. Popcorn
I must admit, I was still a little hungry on the way back down the mountain. Luckily for me, we were stopped half way down by Tia Maria – the local medicine woman. She offered us sweet tea and coffee, and then brought out two huge bowls of organic, lip-smackingly salty, crunchy, puffy popcorn! Now, I don’t often use the word “gobbled”, but I’m telling you - there were four of us - and we literally GOBBLED that popcorn down. Too quickly, it would seem, because no sooner had we polished off those two huge bowls than Tia Maria had put down another two bowls. A thought flashed through my head as I looked at this strange medicine woman, gums shining bright red with betel nut, her fiery eyes excitedly watching us gobbling her popcorn down: Maybe she’s put a curse on us!!! And we’re doomed to eat popcorn on the side of a mountain for evermore!!!!! But then I realised: she’s a medicine woman, not a witch. I took another handful and thought no more about it.

Timor commercial television (if it existed)

Man: I’ve got this date at the park with a single mum and her kids. I want to impress her, but I don’t want to come on too strong.

Woman: I’ve got the perfect fragrance for you.

Man: Wow, smells... intriguing.

Woman: It says, “I care” with a subtle hint of “I want to jump your bones”.

Man: Great. I’ll take it.

When you're out to impress.

Indonesian commercial television (that actually does exist)

VAGISIL! [For smelly vaginas]


Recommended by gynaecologists.

The airstrip

In some rural and remote places, you get what is called an “all weather strip”. In Oecusse, we have an “all livestock strip”.

On our way to Dili we had no less than two false starts, getting half way down the airstrip at high speeds, and then slamming the breaks on just before takeoff, to avoid taking the heads off a small herd of goats which had decided to wander across our path. There were also cattle, dogs and chickens milling about.

I'd never considered the potential of installing horns in aircrafts until this day.

Speaking of comparisons...

When you’ve lived in the desert, it’s easy to mistake the lights in the hills in Dili at night, for stars.